Updated: Jun 15
Only a stupid poet . . . could think a poem , capable of capturing your beauty !
The honey of the beecomb , tastes not as sweet , as your blushing kisses .
Magnificent girl , into the curls of your hair , will I swirl .
Girl ! Here I stand , in your shadow , lightened by your glimmer .
Purple majesty ! You reign over my heart , will you care for your property ?
O ! Who ever had — in his sights — a beauty such as you , to bless his eyes ?
You ! What spell have you cast over me ? I am yours .
My maiden , how much longer will you make me wait , to love you ? Who birthed you — Aphrodite ? Beauty ! — will you consider my outstretched hand ?
Chasity , for you ! For a face as fine as yours , will chaste I keep ; marry me ?
Where are beauties such as you , made ? Surely in heaven . . .
I thought I smelled your perfume — in a shopping center the other day — but then , it was only a bundle of roses .
Will your delicate hands — fit into this diamond ring — that belonged to my grandmother ?
My heart flails its vulnerable side to you — will you reject it ?
Be with me ! Be with me forever ! I offer my soul to you —
do you accept ?
Oh good . That trite love poetry , will have successfully disguised this urgent plea for help . . .
By the time you are reading this , it may well be too late for me !
If you ‘ re reading this — that means that my letter made it out ; I risked everything to get this outside ; I only pray my captors don ‘ t find it first . . . Here ‘ s the story — I ‘ m being held against my will — on a farm — somewhere in Vermont . I can ‘ t remember where . This place is a living hell — I ‘ m gnashing my teeth just thinking about it . Every night , they torture me — and they really enjoy it , the sickos . They get off on it — they even recorded it , one time ! They said they ‘ ll play it back for me later . . . and that I ‘ ll eventually grow to like it , just like they do . I can ‘ t think about my pride , right now , or about how much I ‘ ve suffered under this roof . . . If you want the truth I almost wish I were dead . They ‘ ve made my life such a living hell — it ‘ s gruesome . A few hours ago , they took my friends . I don ‘ t know where they took them — or what happened to them — I only know , that whatever happened to them . . . was absolutely horrific . I ‘ m sorry — I just teared a little bit — and a few tears fell on this letter . Please don ‘ t mind that — I can ‘ t help it . I can barely bring myself to finish this — I ‘ ll try to wrap it up as soon as I can . Before you even finish reading this letter — call the cops ! I need a helicopter squad searching for me . Make sure they have SWAT teams search every farm in Vermont . It ‘ s the only way they ‘ re ever going to find me . One of my captors drives a Toyota Prius , and the other one drives a blue minivan , I forget which company makes it — guess it doesn ‘ t matter too much — so that should help narrow down their search . Call the cops ! Do it ! I don ‘ t have much time left : I can feel it . Tell them to send dog teams , too — who knows what we ‘ re up against . Now that you ‘ ve returned to the letter — after calling the cops — I need you to call all of the major news stations and alert them to my status . . . as a prisoner against my will . Put down this letter and do it , friend ! Now ! And on second thoughts , call the cops again — maybe have them send in the air force to fly a few jets around the tri – state area — my captives told me that they can do a lot worse than I could ever imagine — so we can ‘ t take any chances ! Hey , maybe you could even get Spiderman to come rescue me ? That ‘ d be cool — he ‘ s my favorite superhero . Could you call him up ? My stupid captives won ‘ t ever let me go see his movies , even though all of my friends at school are allowed to go see them whenever they please . It took all that I could do , to persuade them to buy me the recent Spiderman action figures . . . Once I got them , I played with them non – stop , and for hours . I kept being too tired to do my homework , so my captives eventually took my action figures away — which was a few hours ago . Now , they ‘ ve got me holed up in the attic , until I have learned my lesson — I don ‘ t know what these sickos think my lesson is , but the only lessons , that I damn sure know anything about , are the ones that Mrs . Hendrickson — who teaches the second grade at my school , teaches me during class . But ! my captives are really sinister — that ‘ s why I stopped calling them my parents , and started calling them my captives — I don ‘ t know what kind of lesson these sickos have in mind for me , but I know it won ‘ t be another same old , same old multiplication lesson , like the kinds Mrs . Hendrickson gives . Those lessons are super hard — but nothing compares to the grief of losing my best friends — my superman action figures — oh ! and let me tell you what they did to me , earlier this evening . My captives — they told me — the sickos — that they ‘ d prepared a real special supper for me — the sickos even said I would like it . Then — they had the nerve to place a plate in front of me , covered with sesame tofu , and garlic broccoli — it makes me want to puke , just thinking about it ! Aw no , I just puked all over this letter . I don ‘ t have another sheet of paper — so it ‘ ll have to do . I started wailing — I said I wouldn ‘ t eat it . Then they freaked out — being sickos , after all — and forced me to eat the broccoli . . . It ‘ s difficult for me to write about ! I ‘ m sorry , I just spilled some more tears onto this letter . Look ! I ‘ m sensitive ! They can ‘ t do this to me ! It ‘ s illegal ! I don ‘ t know what these sickos think that they are doing — but I learned about the constitution in Mrs . Hendrickson ‘ s class — my parents can ‘ t get away with this — please , get Spiderman , have him rescue me — and then he ‘ ll turn my parents over to the coppers , and they ‘ ll arrest these — boogerheads ! I ‘ m kind of sleepy — I ‘ ll finish here . Mommie gave me some sleepy time milk , and it has really worn me out . Ugh — I loathe her — how could she take away my Spidermans , and force me to eat “ healthy ” broccoli? Despicable ! It isn ‘ t fair , and she ‘ ll find out the hard way — believe me — when she ‘ s doing time in a federal prison . And don ‘ t get me started on Papa — I realized my life was a living hell , when he told me that I couldn ‘ t get the inflatable bouncy house , that I wanted from the store . My life is so hard ! Papa may even get the electric chair , who knows ! He ‘ s a real sicko , too . Okay — I ‘ ll throw this out of the window , and hope to dearest God someone finds it — and sends help ! Remember : send the helicopter search teams !
Yours fondly ,
Ahab Candomblé ,
Second Grade Sargasso State Preparatory Academy
[Published in The Rainbow Cantos & by Expat Press]